A Bouquet of Gifts for Parents
"I See You," a Meditation, "Not Far From the Tree" and "A Costa Rican Retreat for Neurodiverse Families"
Maybe the Rose Isn’t Sick
I remember being in high school and opening the door to a dozen red roses, long stemmed and elegantly placed in chilled box. They were unexpected, fragrant, and gave me a rare feeling of being cared for in a home that otherwise would have thought such a gesture was unnecessary and wasteful.
It took me a few decades to realize that the roses or any similar gesture were a mirror; they reminded me of my value—something that is my responsibility and joy. We can make ourselves feel seen and valued without such a feeling of lack or the weight of expectation. I wasted so much time as the victim partner and parent, waiting for the rose equivalent to deliver the magical message that would grant me my worth.
As parents, so much of our energy goes into connecting with, structuring time for and protecting our children, particularly our neurodiverse or differently abled children. If you are on the parenting path still looking outside of yourself to some partner, potential partner, parent or child to fulfill that need, you are likely going to be licking your wounds a long time.
Today, I want to be the sender of roses to you, dear parent. Offer some unexpected love.
I See You
one eye on clock in the dark
sip your coffee black, pack
the lunch, take two breaths
eyes closed, your self-care sec.
“Baby Shark” or “Let it Go”
are wallpaper in the cramped
kitchen of your mind. Tick tock
or Tik Tok. Swipe. You are never more present
than when guiding your guy or gal
in the park or into Target,
and there it is: the gaze
external, chronic once-overs.
Without making actual contact,
you launch a “mind your own biz" bubble
so that you and your person can float
to the water’s edge or the aisle
for bags of goldfish and sniffing candles.
My dear, there is no room for what ifs
in your heart. No need to sprint to some blank
future that hasn’t been drawn.
I’m here on your porch waiting
for you to answer. So ready
to deliver this bouquet, blooming you.
Meditation
The primary way I have found a sense of my own value is through meditation. Is it boring? At first, absolutely. But eventually it provides a hallway to your mind, your heart, and your wellbeing.
Here is a short meditation “Accessing Joy” I made (with Michael’s talents) that I want to offer.
“Not Far From the Tree”
And for mamas of neurodiverse or differently abled children, I have a five-week, online wellness course “Not Far From the Tree.” It has 15 self-paced modules chock full of research, videos, activities, and tools you can implement to make a shift in how you show up for yourself and as a parent. We also meet weekly on a mutually agreed upon day and time for 1-2 hours for community building, guest speakers, and more activities. Some types of topics and tools we discuss:
Redefining trauma and understanding how it impacts us and our parenting
Processing diagnosis emotionally and somatically
Nervous system regulation techniques: breathing exercises, tapping, ritual making, and creative outlets.
Five Gateless Writing sessions, which will provide opportunities for self-healing, insight, and community.
Connect with other moms across the country who understand; receive support and solidarity, not pity or unsolicited advice.
If this type of support resonates with you or if you have more questions, feel free to review the link above or dm/email me for more information. Payment plans are available.
Tranquillo: A Costa Rican Retreat for Neurodiverse Families
This final “bloom” has been a dream percolating in me for the last two years. And in October, I felt a door swing wide open when I met Kelley Colihan Robertson at the Gateless Teacher Training in Connecticut. Kelley is an entrepreneur: teaching yoga and hosting retreats, a gifted writer, and a mom of a neurodiverse adult son just about the same age as Harrison. We were paired (with another fabulous Gateless teacher) to present together the first night of our training. I knew then that I wanted to build a friendship with this woman and work with her as we have many shared experiences, and we complement each other effortlessly.
So our first offering is coming soon, June 19-22, 2023 in my hometown of Cabuya, Costa Rica. Here is the website for the event with all of the details. There is only room for seven families, and we will be the only guests at the lodge for the retreat. So if you are interested, make a deposit to hold your spot. Here’s an overhead photo of Calala Lodge and the beach where it is located.
Sending so much love to you, dear parents. I look forward to connecting with you soon.
