Houses & Habits
Reflections on Returning & Roots
Being away for a week or two is a different experience than several months at a time. The missing hits harder and the roots are temporary but still need focus and attention. New habits, foods, walks, ways of being are cemented after an extended period of time—and then there’s a return to a life a little altered. The foundational practice that kept me grounded was meditating, breathwork, and moving my body each day. The one day I didn’t meditate, (the day I left), so many things went haywire, it was a good reminder of how much my nervous system needs to be grounded daily.
Returning
For almost four months, I was privileged to stay in Half Moon Bay, a community I lived in for thirteen years before moving to Costa Rica. Familiar faces and places held more significance than I realized. Little things like knowing the layout of my grocery store or shopkeepers who remembered me and smiled. Some new rhythms were easy to fall into like walking the coastal trail and the cemetery hill in the gray wet fog. Eating berries daily to distract me from missing papaya and watermelon. While I had to process missing Lazlo’s eleventh birthday, father’s day, and local changes in CR, I was buoyed by a lovely homebase with friends Lené and Ingrum, whose cozy abode, sweet pets, and serene demeanors were a succor. Their generosity was mind blowing.
I filled my time well with work I love, peppered by hikes and meals with friends, a few getaways for my great nephew’s graduation and my good friends’ Travis and David’s wedding. I’m not one to feel lonely, as I enjoy my own company and staying busy. In addition to teaching and tutoring, I was able to host weekly breathwork sessions at Coastside Yoga Collective as well as with a few lovely private clients. The weekly sessions helped grow my practice, skillset, and build some new foundations in my business. I also co-hosted a retreat with Christine and Holiday, leading transformational breathwork and Gateless writing, a pairing that I have grown to love.
Goodbyes
On my way back to the Bay from Oregon, I visited my dad’s home in Redding that is up for sale. He died in November of 2021, but this was another layer of unexpected grief. The house was empty and locked, but Harrison and I got to walk around the property and witnessed fragments of Dad’s presence. He purchased the house, near Mercy Hospital, in 1986. So many memories came up for me, and a deer appeared. It was a bittersweet goodbye. During the visit, I thought a lot about this poem by Victoria Chang.
Homecoming
The birds come back
but they don’t tell us stories.
Their wings remember nothing,
are never knowledge.
We don’t remember our birth,
when a mother dies, it’s gone.
by Victoria Chang
Cabuya
In a short week, I have my first bites, blister and scratch, artifacts of my jungle life, a daily life that is labor intensive, but also slow and lush. I have gazed at countless butterflies, tween iguanas with their bright green bodies and mature gray striped tails; macaws and monkeys are now so common their sounds are like passing cars, often not noticeable. Lots of dog and beach walks, time in water with my sons and navigating them getting reacquainted after eight months apart.
Breathwork: Online & In Person
Starting in August, I will be offering a few spots for 1:1 online breathwork with Gateless writing or just breathwork on its own. These sessions are especially crafted with playlists, other somatic techniques and attention to your needs. If you are in the Cabuya/Montezuma area, I am also available for in person breathwork and/or Gateless writing sessions.
If you would like to know more about Gateless and breathwork, I was interviewed on my lovely friend Ashley’s podcast Unapologetically Yours. Check it out!
Love and Longing
Like all of our major challenges, this time apart has brought Michael and I closer together. Holding down our place here in Costa Rica and solo parenting with no real breaks was no small task. Michael handled so much with grace and a ton of hard work. Our daily video calls over coffee or a morning walk kept us both going but were also filled with the pangs of being apart. It has been lovely to return with treats and have us fall into a rhythm where we get to give each other time alone or dote on each other.
“…the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other.” —Rainer Maria Rilke
Enjoyed our special time while you were in California so much, Kimberly. I can't wait to visit your sweet family again in Costa Rica! Loved this post. Thank you, as always, for sharing your big, beautiful, inspiring life with the world. And congrats on the podcast interview. Can't wait to listen to you and Ashley in conversation.