Why Healing Can Look Like the Opposite
Recently, I was rereading the novel Wandering Stars by Tommy Orange as I’m going to teach it in a few weeks. While so much of it aligns with topics that I am immersed in, like trauma healing, addiction, and intergenerational racial oppression, it also critiques those very concepts. For example, one of the teen characters Orvil is in conversation with his Arapaho therapist, who is trying to help him with his depression after being shot. Orvil tunes out and instead focuses on a bird outside the window. His situation at home and internally is rough, and as readers we can’t blame him for turning to drugs to cope. Yet, we also know the therapist is speaking a truth that he’s not ready to hear.
Orvil, like the author Orange, and like so many of us, move towards healing in our own way. We might practice rituals or routines that help us work through challenges. Your routine might be choosing a fit that makes you feel good. A hot cup of coffee while you sit in silence. Writing is one practice for me. So is breathing consciously. Maybe, we just try to do less harm to ourselves or those we love. Others might dip back into big or small addictions like over eating, smoking, drinking alcohol or becoming dependent on drugs. We can have grace for them, right? Still others lash out or harm others in their pain. I like to move through the world believing that we are all doing the best we can. Lately, the world both globally, here back in the US, and personally feels like a lot. I guess my message to myself and anyone in earshot is to be gentle with yourself and what you can’t control in others.
Landing in California
I feel exceedingly grateful to be back in Half Moon Bay for the next few months. I had forgotten how gorgeous my hometown (from 2008-2021) is this time of year. I’m still adjusting to the cold and teaching in person again, but I’m loving my time here. I was able to visit Harrison, Ruben, Denise, George, Travis & David, Franklin, and all of most of my work colleagues. Lots of hugs. My hosts also have pets, which has brightened my heart that’s missing Michael, Lazlo, Monica, Shakira, and Potter. And the by the way, Michael is handling solo parenting like a champ.
Harrison and I have some regular plans set; we checked off manicure, pedicure, and In & Out Burger. I think next are some of his Shared Adventure outings in Santa Cruz. I’m looking forward to some dates with other friends. It feels strange but good to having a calendar that’s filling up when normally I would go a week or more without leaving the house except to walk with Nikki to the beach in the morning in Costa Rica. Luckily, I’m sticking to a 40-day Kriya meditation challenge with a group of my favorite women from a recent retreat. We keep each other accountable and cheer each other on in a group WhatsApp. What regular activity are you doing for yourself that helps you stay grounded and not tossed around by your day?
Book Recommendations
Since I’ve been teaching and writing so much, I haven’t had a much time to read. But these are recent ones that I have read or I’m about to but my reader friends loved. (some are very new, some older, and some have been around for a few years). Sorry for the cover cut offs (Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott is so good to return to every few years & the bottom right is a new collection of poetry edited by Ada Límon that is a reminder how powerful contemporary poetry can be. Warning on When the Stars go Dark, it is suspenseful (and written by my former poetry mentor) and will basically disrupt your regular life for a couple of days. Hope you enjoy some of these.
Upcoming Events
On Saturday, May 18th at a private home in Mill Valley, CA, Christine, Holiday, and I are hosting a day-long retreat with opening circle, yoga, somatic writing, breathwork, energy work by Janine Cook, and closing circle. There will be a vegan lunch by MJ at The Board Shop Mill Valley and time to refresh and be nourished inside and out. Last fall’s event (pictured below) was a transformational. There are a few spots open. Reserve yours today.
“Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It's like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can't stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.” —Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott